Yo. I am struggling. Why do I always struggle please? I am tired. Where is the off button?? Where is postpone?? Why can’t I just say pass?? Or transfer it to someone else??? It is 4am, I haven’t slept in 48 hours because yah my body just doesn’t want me to sleep. I am running on nothing but mood swings and attitude. I hate everybody.
I started my period when I was 11. It was alright I just used to feel bad when it came in the way of me swimming. I don’t remember really having cramps or an attitude all the time. At least not like now. It was quite smooth sailing. The only headache was checking that you didn’t leak in school. Somehow, over the years, it just gets worse. I do NOT understand how. It’s a repetitive cycle but no cycle is the same. Three weeks of the month. A month has four weeks yah? I am okay for one week. ONE. Lemme just take a minute to let that sink in.
*takes a nap. Phew. At least there’s some semblance of sleep*
Okay so, week 1.
Period is coming next week. I know coz hearing people chew is irritating me. People’s scents are irritating me. PEOPLE’S FACES ARE IRRITATING ME!!!! I check the app. (yay technology! But how did I used to know when I was 11 though?? I remember my mum teaching me to mark the days on the calendar and count sijui what. Anything that involves calculating is a no from me please) Then the cravings start kicking in. Anything and everything oily and greasy. I entertain my cravings for as long as I can afford to. Once in a while my mum feels pity for me and sponsors my cravings. The beast must be contained. When I don’t give into my cravings, I straight up cry. Yeah. Bawl out about how I want chicken. Like in my head I can literally see myself acting a fool and I don’t know how to stop. Logic doesn’t work. If I don’t get what I want I want or a substitute (after much compromising with myself) I am very very unhappy.
Week one is also full of a lot crying. Not just over food. Over EVERYTHING. All the emotions and feelings take center stage. I am inconsolable. I even find more ways to make myself sad so memories from 8000BC haunt me. I remember being hurt and feeling hurt then I get hurt all over again for hurting so now I have an attitude. Then the sleepless nights do not help because all that make shift hurt is making me anxious and I can’t sleep so I’m there thinking about all of it and getting mini panic attacks and it’s just too muuuuch!!!!
Period week!!! The app says they are to begin today, but sometimes I feel like menstruation is malicious so it’ll begin the day after tomorrow. Like you can feel it coming (I’m sorry I can’t really explain this but menstruaters know what I’m talking about) you just feel it coming. So, after torturing you for two days it finally comes. Day 1 is like introduction. Not too bad, not too difficult. Enough to get you excited and feel like it’ll be easy this time round. Day 2. Day 1 LIED. Pain. Immense pain. Nausea. Fatigue. Everything is irritating. I want nothing but to lay on the floor and cry. Apart from that I have to deal with this waterfall. The sleep that I had been searching for the previous week comes back. But now there’s pain so there’s a battle for attention between the sleep and the pain. Pain always wins. Basic pain killers do not work at all. You need that strong shit. The knock you out shit. Sometimes that doesn’t work either and you have no choice but to just lay curled up in fetal position and rock yourself to sleep.
Day 3, day 4. Not too bad. There’s still pain it’s bearable. I don’t eat when I’m on my period. Probably because the previous week I ate enough for all my ancestors and future generations. And I hate eggs. I cannot stand eggs during period week. I mostly survive on fruit and sometimes bread. Which is horrible, don’t do it kids. You need to eat right.
Day 5 is a little bit annoying coz it’s gone but also not really so I can’t be wearing my white pants. Its there a little bit but enough for me to still be irritable.
Please tell me why I’m still moody when it’s all over?? It’s like I’m now irritated with myself for having two bad weeks. I am back to eating properly. But I am straight up anti-social. Okay. Fine. Generally, I am a hermit but sometimes I like to you know, come out, experience the world. But not in week 3. In week 3 I’m adjusting and readying myself for week 4 which is my outside week. Week 3 is like me recapping on the past two weeks and telling myself how out of order I was. I’m a little nicer in week 3 coz I feel guilty about week 1 and 2. However, ovulation begins in week 3 and that comes with a significant amount of crying. When I'm not crying, I'm hot and bothered. If you know, you know. Lol.
Really, there's no winning with this thing.
It is so fascinating how much control being on your period has on your life sometimes. Sometimes you get really sick, have dizzy spells, faint. You literally feel like you're going to die. Then sometimes it’s just smooth sailing and it comes and goes with absolutely no pain or struggle.
Maybe one day technology with help us transfer the struggle to the nearest man. Until then I’ll be in my room, in my bed, tossing and turning…
-pictures from Pinterest-