Disclaimer. Issa no judgement zone. Just don't be hurting people's children.
So for the past few months, I've been doing an unofficial study on the whole dating, courtship and marriage experience. I've had many discussions with people in relationships and single people, people in homosexual and heterosexual relationships, married and divorced people. I've had conversations with my family members and my friends and strangers. I've asked questions, I've made observations. My study is far from over, very far from it in fact. But I've found out some of the most interesting things.
Generally, by the end of it all, I'd like to group my findings and results into age groups, to see if some things are a generational thing. But since I'm not at the end, I'll just describe the different crops of people I've come across or been told about and how it works with them. Also, it's not gender specific, it all applies to both girls and guys. Also, people can go back and forth within the different categories. Or can be a combination of different categories.
These amazing people know exactly what they want. They have mastered self love and are very sure of themselves. They know their worth and they have their values engraved across their foreheads. They stick to their values. That's like the major thing about them. They are not afraid to state boundaries and limitations and they stick to them. They can't ever be swayed by anything or anybody. They got it on lock. You either respect them or keep it moving. Mostly keep it moving. They have no time for wastemen/women. When you're coming to them, you had better come with your values in check and be sure of yourself. I look up to these ones. Haha because I, lol. We'll discover where I am!! Haha.
They know what they want. Lol no. They know what they don't want. They know it very well. They state their values and boundaries. Key word being state. When it comes to putting it into practice, issa a bit of a hard time. Their ability to compromise, however noble it seems, always ends up being taken advantage of and they end up doing too much and being taken fi eediat. It's me in this crop. Loool can you tell!! They'd rather be in relationships. And they're excellent partners (blowing my own horn loudly). But there's insecurities here, and if they happen to stumble upon certain champions of lies and debauchery, they will be destroyed. Often the tendency to be attracted to destruction is cyclic (now I'm whispering, lol) and it might go on and on till they decide to remove themselves from chaos. However when they get a hold of everything and take control and take charge of their hearts and minds, and heal, fully they're unstoppable. (Amen.)
In touch with their emotions, and yours. but will use it to pull at your strings and manipulate you till the end of time. You'll never feel good enough, for some reason there'd always something you're doing wrong and something you're constantly making up for. And you haven't even done anything!! They will gaslight you to death. There's lots of insecurities which are projected onto their partners. However, when healing and peace in found within themselves, WITHIN THEM being the key words here, they're amazing.
Conjurers of confusion. They want, they don't want. They know, they don't know. They want you, they don't want you. They want their ex, but it's over and they've moved on. Or have they. They don't have time for relationships, but they make connections and actually do relationship shit. But it's not a relationship please!!! Don't get ahead of yourself. It's a good time, fun times. But it's also exclusive fun times. No sharing. But it's not even heading to any relationship direction please, but kindly treat me like I'm yours. Hahaha do you see, confusement!!!! Once they figure it out though, they're good. But until they do, it's grief.
Masters of lies and debauchery. Players of the game. Twisters of tales. Kings/Queens of flirtations. Founders of the heartbreak club. Roho ngumu. Lol. Hard as rock. Emotional availability, outside. Compassion, nonexistent. Completely unmoved by your tears. Masters of finesse. Because you'll be done wrong and words will be mumbled mumbled and you'll forgive and just remain there in hell. Burning. They honestly hurt everyone they come in contact with. Issues running deeper than the ocean. And they prefer for them to be deep down there unresolved, because it's a good excuse in their game. That they don't know why they're like that and they're going to try to figure it out. Forever "changing". Lol. Juzz run please. RUUUUN.
Sensible and responsible enough to recognize their own issues and know that they cannot be in a relationship until everything in the inside is sorted out properly. (I belong here as well. Haha) actively working on their problem areas and recognizing patterns. Making conscious effort to be whole first before getting into anything. Also, refusing to take on other people’s baggage as theirs is sufficient.
Relationships suck and they don't see their purpose. Stop disturbing them with that nonsense. Go away.
So in my interactions, so far, I've noticed that most people are very sure of themselves and know exactly what they want and how to say it. They state their intentions clearly. And are open to discussions. They're honest and open about everything and there's no room for misinterpretation. Unless now you decide to jump into your own conclusions. People are in touch with their emotions and are aware of their issues and can explain them and express their feelings. People have genuinely learnt from their pasts and are working to be better individuals first before being in any relationships.
Others however, roho ngumu and crop four over there. We leave them to Jesus. Haha. (And I low key just can't wait to confirm this age group at the end of my study because they are all agemates. Well, so far.)
My biggest lesson so far, there's a difference between someone wanting you and wanting to be with you. Pay attention to actions because you'll see it. Don't get caught up in the just being wanted. Dooooont!!!!
Also, people are very aware of their actions. They know what they're doing. Don't be fooled. It's no mistake, it's no deficiency. It's all a choice. A choice made by a sound mind. Continuously being made. Again. They know what they're doing!!!! I can't stress that enough.
Lol. My sister just said she’d hate to go on a date with me coz I’d be busy psychoanalyzing her the whole time, reading into everything she says and making mental notes. Looool. It’s truuueee. I’m always flagging and bookmarking things in my head. Like “Oop!! That’s unresolved!!” haha I’ll stop. Maybe.
Interact wisely!! Don't be evil, keep your evil to yourself!!
S.O for Probably Asleep.
-pictures from Pinterest.